The Native and I recently celebrated five years of marriage. Apparently, it’s the “wooden” anniversary. He had already had flowers delivered to me at work earlier in the week. The Native is good at gifts. Impressively so. I knew he’d have something lovely and theme-appropriate up his sleeve.
I scoured the internet with Google’s help, trying to get my creative juices flowing. Google, you were absolutely USELESS.
I panicked and on the actual day in a state of blind desperation, picked up a wooden boxed edition of Cluedo (Clue). I handed it to him in the car trying to sell him the awesomeness of my poorly planned gift.
“Hey, we don’t have any board games where we can just sit down at night and whip one of those suckers out for a rip-roaring good time.”
“Have you played Cluedo?” he replied.
“Of course I have. I loved it as a kid. Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with the hacksaw. There was a hacksaw, right?”
“You’ve never played Cluedo,” he stared at me trying to read me.
“I have!” I looked down at the box and saw 3+ players. “Ahem. Well, we could give The Duchess a set of cards and use hand gestures to try and get her to communicate whether our guesses are correct or not.”
He smiled and graciously replied, ” Thaaaaanks, honey. ”
I knew it was a longshot. WHO CAME UP WITH THESE GIFT THEMES?!
We stared a bit more. I contemplated and then knew it was the right move to make. “Let’s take it back. It was £30.”
“30 QUID!?! What?!? For Cludeo because it’s in a wooden box?!”
We returned it minutes later.
We instead settled for amazing food out at one of our favourite restaurants.
That, my friends, is marriage.