The Shoeless Hippie Baby

That’s right.  I’m writing about feet.  The biggest baby feet the world has ever known.  Possibly.

I’ve been told that when I was little I had “hamburger feet.”  My dad described them as being as wide as they were long, like a hamburger patty.  Obviously, my feet weren’t fat by the time my parents were reminiscing about chubby baby appendages and so I had no way to contextualize how huge my toddler tootsies really were.

Until The Duchess came along.  To me, her feet have always just been her feet.  To other people, her feet have been the chunkiest little pads they have ever laid their eyes on.

This was verified today when trying to get The Duchess sized and fitted for her first set of proper shoes at Clarks.  The sales assistant, the helpful but also strangely stolid Sharon, measured the width of The Duchess’s feet and her eyes widened.   “She measures a 3 1/2  and, Cor, a very wide H.”  I could see the tool stretching over her feet and although Sharon assured me there was no measurement wider than H, it seemed that The Duchess’s feet were being pinched into this “very wide” measurement.

Check these chunkers out.

She told us that our options would be limited because of her width measurement and she pointed at our vast selection in the store – 3 pairs of shoes.  One by one, Sharon brought the shoes out.  Some of the shoes weren’t in stock in an H or still didn’t fit,  so she tried to up the shoe a half size to give The Duchess more room.  Now she looked like she had clown feet and they were still too tight.   We tried on no less than 6 pairs of shoes, at which point one of Shaz’s work colleagues came over and said, “Can I help?  What size is she?”

Sharon looked at her co-worker and said intentionally and with unbroken eye contact, “She’s an H.”  Their looks suggested that something unspoken had passed between them – as though size H was the stuff of baby folklore.  The Native and I started to chuckle about her chubby little feet.  Sharon stared at us.

“I have never had such a hard time fitting a child for a shoe.”

I grin.

“How many shoes have you fitted?” I ask.

Unblinking, Sharon replies, “A lot.”

And so we’ve ordered two pairs of shoes that will be in towards the end of next week – a 3.5 H and 4H in the same shoe.  They are also in the neutral colour of fuschia.  We like the shoes, I’m just not so sure her red trousers will.   We don’t even know if they will fit anyway.  If not, I suppose the little poppet may just have to be that hippie barefoot baby toddling around town.

Fuschia?! A hippie baby?!  Seriously, think of my budding reputation Mother.

Are The Duchess’s feet really the stuff of baby folklore?  Is she destined to be shoeless forever?   


10 thoughts on “The Shoeless Hippie Baby

  1. Katriina

    On the bright side, summer is coming! 🙂
    I don’t know what my feet were like as a child, but as an adult I wear a European size 41 or 42, and it has always been difficult to find shoes that fit. Years ago, in my home town in Australia, I was elated to find a specialty store selling women’s shoes in huge sizes. I walked in and couldn’t quite understand why so many of the shoes were red, shiny, sky-high stilettos, until it dawned on me. This was a store for drag queens…

  2. Zeta

    Haha, this was especially funny to me because my mom always, always says that I had hot dog feet (long and strangely skinny). Here’s to feet of all shapes!

  3. Stacey

    I suggest online- maybe they have something wider than an H. My dad has to buy his online because he has narrow feet- an “AA”. Frederick’s feet were “tall” around the middle so he didn’t wear shoes for along time. Thankfully this is completely okay for toddlers 🙂

  4. MsXpat

    Aww she has super cute feet I think. Now my son on the hand, how he does have cute feet too but they are FAR from little. He’s 17 months he currently has 6H and needs new shoes! Every time he goes the clinic the first thing the health visitor says ‘he has SUCH big feet’. If he knew what she was saying he’d have a complex by now, lol.

    As a lady with large feet and a complex myself, I’d say don’t tease her about it, if she gets older and you think her feet are big for her age. Chances are there will be other people out there happy to do that. Kiss those cute feet of hers :0)

    1. Living Life as an Expat Parent Post author

      Wow! Are you both tall? Reckon he’s going to have some height with size 6’s already.

      We won’t tease her at all. We love her chubby feet and will be quite sad when they thin out. Everything about them screams baby.

  5. babyabroadblog

    My daughters both had ‘padded’ tops to their feet – i found the best shoes to be t-bars, but clarks sell v few these days. I found start rite to be much better. Good luck with the next fitting!


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