The last couple of posts would suggest that thirty has made me deeply introspective and too mature for the silly shenanigans of yesteryear, but just to assure you that things continue on as normal – a story for you, dear readers.
For those of you who have read before, you may have some sort of small indication that The Native is an active sleeper. Some might say he has night terrors; others might call it walking and talking in his sleep. Either way, I’ve got stories from the last 4.5 years. Oh, have I got stories.
10th March 2012
Approximate time: 12.30am GMT
We are asleep in our room. My back is turned to the The Native when suddenly I feel something that might put your average marriage at serious risk (heads out of gutter, people). This is our conversation.
Me: What the…?! Hey! You just Chuck Norris karate chopped me….IN THE NECK!
The Native: (mumbles) What?
Me: You just karate chopped me in the neck. What in the world are you doing?
The Native: (sleepily) I was protecting you.
Me: Protecting me? By CHOPPING me? That makes no sense. What if The Duchess had been in the bed? You would have chopped her right in the face.
The Native: No. I wouldn’t have chopped her.
Me: You’re not even awake, are you? You have no idea what I’m saying to you right now? You’re not ever going to remember this in the morning.
The Native: I will. I’m awake.
This morning all he could remember is saying that he wouldn’t do it to The Duchess. He claims he has no recollection of the aforementioned chop. Is that actually the case or should I be concerned that The Native is using his active sleeping to exact his revenge on me for the times I nag him about leaving his empty cups of tea around the house?
I think we all know the truth, but I’ll let you be the judge.