Half a year in. How in the world did that happen? There are some things I expected to learn as a new mom and other things that came as a complete surprise. I’ll let you decide which is which.
I have learnt:
- I can pretty much make a song out of anything. Of course, if you are a seasoned silly song composer comme moi (puffs out chest) then you can make up your own songs, but if you struggle to create a song, why not make bathtime that much more exciting by singing a song to the tune of Golddigga:
Wash the toes, the head, then elbows
Wash the toes, the head, then elbows…
I most recently sung The Duchess a song to the tune of an old church hymn, it was unfortunate that the only 3 words to the song were: A, Sore, Butt.
- I’ve come to accept smelling like sick. The Duchess is especially spewy and I’d say that if I get through a day without being splattered, it’s a success. So, hey, who cares if we’re walking through town and a stranger next to you says to his wife, ‘I smell cheese. Did you open that pack of camembert we’ve bought?’ That’s life. The only exception is when you run out and are sans baby. It’s always when you’re in the supermarket queue that you become keenly aware that you reek of baby sick. Aaaaawesome.
- Calling your husband or partner ‘Daddy,’ sounds a bit creepy if you are childless. Seriously. Don’t do that. But it’s something that I do anytime I ask The Native to do something for The Duchess. Maybe I feel that if I call him Daddy, he will feel the request is from her and will then be more likely to oblige.
- I have learnt that the best laid plans, yadda, yadda, yadda. Example #1, we were pretty set on using reusable nappies. Six months and tens of packs of nappies later and we have strong opinions about every disposable out there and the wipes.
- I’ve become way more interested in poo than I ever thought I’d be. Ever. I briefly examine every nappy after I change The Duchess, and I don’t really know why other than I’m simply curious. Concerning on one level, intriguing on another. Hey, don’t judge. You might be surprised to find out what you learn. (Okay, I just heard that aloud. Judge me.)
- It is possible to change a baby’s clothes when she is rolling away from you, on her belly, crawling towards a toy, flinging said toy into the air erratically and hanging somewhat upside down off of her changing mat (don’t worry, that mats on the floor). It just requires a little bit of flair and sometime an exciting song (see #1).
- Do not ever feed a baby broccoli at lunchtime.
- I have had to become familiar with atleast 5-7 British nursery songs that I have never heard in my life. Songs about bobbins and some horse with a cart that spins, amongst others. I have also learnt that British people say ‘Peepo’ not ‘Peek-a-boo.’
- A baby’s poo can go farther than you’d ever think was possible. I honestly believe that once The Duchess hit the 6 foot mark. I was cleaning little spots of it for weeks.
- That leads me to don’t have only a change of clothes for the baby in your changing bag. Unless you want to go to the play group with poo down your jeans (not that I’m speaking from experience ::clears throat::), bring extra clothes. Always bring extra clothes.
- Poo isn’t the only thing that can spray. Sorry guys, but the power of milk letting down can rival the strength of a top of the range Super Soaker. Sometimes I feel that I could stand in the middle of the fountain in Trafalgar Square and blend in.
- The cavewoman instinct is for real. I anticipate what I’ll do if a car jumps the curb. The nicest dog in the world becomes a potentially vicious animal that I scrutinize intensely for any signs of aggression. I am Mommy– Comforter, Provider, Protector. I will tear you to pieces if you mess with my child.
For all of you parent readers out there, what have you learnt along the way that might have been a bit of a surprise?